the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
