she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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