I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize