One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
