A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
