your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
