plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
