i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
