he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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