U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
