He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
