I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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