Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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