I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
