hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
