He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
