I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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