told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
