i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
