And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
