I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My balls are so social today.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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