why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
