How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
