Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
