Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
