im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
