I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
