I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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