I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
