im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
