Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
