Kiss
Puke
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
