An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
