god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
