Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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