I looked at my own cervix.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
