I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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