Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
