Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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