she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
