This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
