I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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