I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
