Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
