That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
