Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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