I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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