I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
