my mouth tastes like poor choices
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
