my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
