So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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