we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
