So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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