After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
