I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
