I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
