if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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